Getting promoted was the beginning. Over my head. Learning to ask. Learning to connect with inner authority. Learning to be settled in the midst of others' emotional storms. Learning to put myself out there.
Buying a house to renovate. Learning to relax about decisions and timelines. Learning dollars go where they are put. Learning that home means a place to live not just exist.
Applying to a Ph. D. program.
My husband in the hospital. Listening is the most fundamental act of kindness.Trust but pay attention. Love is service. Surrender.
I forgot how hard it was. I forgot the confusion, the stress, the doubt that comes with being at the base of the mountain. All I remember is how teachers and help got me here. And though this peak is higher, the terrain more difficult, I have more tools and better equipment this time. Most importantly I know it can be done. I think.
And so I bow my head. I do not have the answers. Thankfully, I have teachers and am learning to ask for help. Mostly, I'm grateful for grace. For forgiveness. The soft pillow of it is the answer to the trust game. If you fall, it will be fine.
Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. 'Doing it' - taking action - is the name of this mountain. Trust and act. The very idea makes my breath catch. Apparently I'm not there yet.